03.22.06
Happy 3 year anniversary, Iraq War!
Well Iraq War - it’s been a rocky road of a 3 years, so I thought that for our anniversary, maybe we should get over the hostility and have a nice candlelit dinner together - you know, just to talk. We don’t really get to do that so much nowadays.
Just so you know, though - before we kick the romance into high gear and I start (am forced into) going into a litany on how great you are again, I think I should get a few things off my chest. You never seem to listen to me on any other day, so tonight, I think you owe me that much.
First off: YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME! Seriously. Not only do I seem to walk away from every conversation with the short end of the stick, but you tend to have this way of trying to be as inconspicuous as possible when I’m tied up with something else. MY theory is that you’re trying to avoid questions, which you certainly seem to not like very much even when they’re something inane like, “so whatcha up to today?” and “do you really think those black sacks will make the best party hats for that thing you’re throwing?” (on that note, you haven’t been too great at taking some constructive criticism every now and then either).
Secondly, I’ve noticed of recently that I’m desperately broke, so much so that I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even give me a band-aid at an emergency room and that my kids are going to grow up to be illiterate hobos. I’m pretty sure that’s because of you. I seem to be spending allot to keep you happy . . .
And I know it’s kinda old, but I’m sorry about the whole not-being-able-to-find-you-any-WMD thing, because I know how badly you wanted to be seen in public with those. But don’t worry, it’s not trinkets that validate your existence; it’s the willingness of people go along with the idea that you’re “worthwhile”, which -I’m sorry, I know as your lover, it’s my duty to be supportive and all, so I shouldn’t be saying this, but it’s really how I feel- I think is a charade.
If anything, I’m thinking that I should start listening to all my friends who are telling me that I’m totally whipped over you and need to pull out. Though seeing how your crazy friends seem to have so much more say in the matter than my friends, my own experiences, or common sense for that matter, I have the feeling we’re going to stay the course for allot longer than anyone had ever hoped for.
In the end, though, I guess the one thing I like about you is that as much as I’ve been a whiny complaing jerk to you all evening, you will continue to fuck me, and probably do so till the end of your days. So salud and cheers to you Iraq War! I hope you appreciate how hopelesly in debt I am because of you and how much more my friends and enemies alike want to kick my ass on your account.
Man, you really are a bitch . . .
